I'm sorry for everything.
Blame me for everything.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Slipper replaced
Meetup with Wei Zhen at my house around 9plus in the morning after mahjong session at my house.
Went to Bedok's Singpost to collect her package & we went for breakfast.
Afterthat, we headed down to Orchard's NUM to get flipflops.
We reached Orchard at 12pm! Thats Early!
Went to Bedok's Singpost to collect her package & we went for breakfast.
Afterthat, we headed down to Orchard's NUM to get flipflops.
We reached Orchard at 12pm! Thats Early!
Mine in the middle. Black with gold havainas stud.
I'm not what you are looking at
You didn't say I can't talk to me.
You didn't say I can't msg me.
You didn't say I can't call me.
You didn't say i can't meet me.
But do you remember you telling me that even if you know me, you will say you don't know?
And do you remember you saying that whatever I say now is no use?
You told me you don't felt like talking anymore. Obviously you don't felt like talking to me only.
You made up your mind for not looking back.
I can't help. I'm like in a dead end. I don't know how to move on.
But now, I move on. I move on without facing the problem. Until I read your post that day then I started to face it. You think I'm very happy without you now?
You see that I am. But I'm not. I don't show them out. Because nobody can help. I don't cry to everybody around me. Because they can't help. I held my tears and I hid my feelings. But I really hope for your return one day. You mentioned in your post that it takes two hands to clap. Ya I agreed. I'm waiting for you to forgive me. And I'm trying hard to change my everything.
My attitude. I won't be that easily angry anymore to everyone. I will try.
You all can say all you want about me. Joke about me or tease me, I won't make a big fuss about it. I will try. I will try to take in a proper way and not letting people thought that I'm arguing.
I will try to change myself for a better me. For everyone's good. I will try.
You didn't say I can't msg me.
You didn't say I can't call me.
You didn't say i can't meet me.
But do you remember you telling me that even if you know me, you will say you don't know?
And do you remember you saying that whatever I say now is no use?
You told me you don't felt like talking anymore. Obviously you don't felt like talking to me only.
You made up your mind for not looking back.
I can't help. I'm like in a dead end. I don't know how to move on.
But now, I move on. I move on without facing the problem. Until I read your post that day then I started to face it. You think I'm very happy without you now?
You see that I am. But I'm not. I don't show them out. Because nobody can help. I don't cry to everybody around me. Because they can't help. I held my tears and I hid my feelings. But I really hope for your return one day. You mentioned in your post that it takes two hands to clap. Ya I agreed. I'm waiting for you to forgive me. And I'm trying hard to change my everything.
My attitude. I won't be that easily angry anymore to everyone. I will try.
You all can say all you want about me. Joke about me or tease me, I won't make a big fuss about it. I will try. I will try to take in a proper way and not letting people thought that I'm arguing.
I will try to change myself for a better me. For everyone's good. I will try.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
For you, my friends
I just got back from yanyan's house.
And read Deric's and Allan's blog.
I'm not the one who wanna end this friendship and of cos I don't wish to.
But there are too much misunderstand. I really hope we can solve everything out by talking face to face.
If you all think that talking to me won't work, then I think blogging them down will be the best.
Correct me if I'm wrong.
From Allan's blog.
When Deric won some money at jackpot, he shared the winnings with Wenkai and Eddie and even forked out 50plus dollars to buy those barbecue things and didn't even complain anything.
But when the moment he lost all his money and left only $10 in his wallet.
Who pitied him ? Wenkai did gave him $10.
My reply now: I don't have much money left either. As I have forked out alot for the bbq food.
Yes I did say he shouldn't play so much. But I'm just telling him to tell him so that he won't do it next time.
If you have a friend that you had known for more than 11years and a friend that you had known for less than 1 year. Who will you choose and trust ?
My reply now: I will choose to trust the 11 years of friend of cos.
But take a look this has got nothing to do with why we ended.
I didn't say I don't trust you. Please don't assume that I will trust the 1 year of friend.
I told you, there are too much of misunderstand.
Talking will do a better job.
Every humans in this life have feelings and limits.
My reply now: I agreed. So do I. I forgave, I gave in and I hide it just because I don't want to start any quarrel. I seriously cherish this friendship. But, we both were at fault. Just that how you see it. I don't carry the "Must win" attitude after the last chance you've given me. I did tried to stop to let you have time to cool down. Cos I know you will be ok after that. But you doesn't want to stop. You see? We both are at fault. Many times after the last chance you gave, I apologized to you. But I don't seems to get forgiven. All you did is digging things out from the last chance you gave me. Shouldn't everything be like starting all over? Why are you still digging the past to start over the quarrel again? That day on msn, I really felt like calling you to solve everything out on phone. It's the best way rather than face to face.
When Ahger asked them to barbeque 2 crab sticks and Darrick replied " NO, no space for crab sticks " and everyone got scolded by her. Hey, think carefully. Who was the one who said cannot and did everyone there said it?
My reply: I heard " No, cannot" only. And I didn't scold everyone, I swear.
The actual story of what I did- I was pissed and I walked away without doing anything. I sat down face still pissed off. And then my aunty that was sitting beside me asked me what happened? This is when I started saying about darrick. I said about him only.
ME : Help me make crab meats also cannot. Some more only 2 raw crab meats are left. Don't want then don't want help la!.
Aunty: Who? who so bad? (But she wasn't angry at all)
ME: Xiao Darrick la (Finger pointing at him as he was standing just infront of me)
Aunty: Xiao Darrick ah! Why you make my nephew angry?
Darrick: What?
Aunty: Why Ah ger ask you to make crabmeat for her you say cannot?
Me: Ya la ask him to help me also cannot! (angry tone)
Darrick: Joking de ma. And no space already also.
Nelson: Never mind ah ger I help you cook. Relax relax.
I didn't shout at everyone. Just that my voice is maybe too loud because I'm damn angry then.
When Darrick and Shuzheng were playing with you saying that they will go 1st without you and who did you scolded. You eventually push all the blame to Deric and he took it and didn't even scold you back and now how you treat him?
My reply: I really didn't know that deric wasn't playing along too. That was why I talk to him in an angry way. I know this was my fault and I have already apologized to Deric. I was wrong because I thought Deric was playing along too.
He waited downstairs everytime like a idiot and no one spared a thought for him
My reply: After many times you all told me about it, I didn't came down later already. This thing is like long ago. But I've change. But Deric will still come out with this thing again by saying he always wait for me very long. But I've change. Why are you all always digging things out? You don't know how I felt when being accused. Even the problems are solved and you still digging it is miserable. You know the feeling? When you change to be better but people are you saying you.
A person can change at anytime, ask me to follow you guys to catch a movie will die ma ?
My reply: Won't die if ask you to come along to catch a movie with us. You mean I didn't ask? I'm the one who is always asking. I did ask you. Many times. But in the end, you were either booked or you rejected. You should know yourself that I did ask. And I stopped saying you watch movie only with your girlfriend already.
From deric's blog.
i told myself. why should i shed tears? since you can be happy right now
My reply: I'm not as happy as you seen or heard. I can still joke and laugh about like everyday. But you don't know how I felt inside. I didn't show how I felt. I don't want friends to be worried. In the same time, I don't want to think about it. Everytime I think about it, I don't know what to do. I can't talk to you. I can't msg you. I can't call you. I can't meet you up and I can't get to see you. I really don't know what to do because you told me that that was the last chance. It's like the end of the friendship. I really don't wish for that. I really hope that this friendship will continue after I wake up. Hoping you will forgive me and message me. But that dosen't come true. I even pray to the god holding joysticks and say what I wished and hoped for. I really hope god is on my side and willing to forgive me. Everytime I think about you, like I always called you when I woke up or when you woke up I will recieve your calls. We used to meet up almost everyday. When I'm hungry, you will be the one to accompany me to eat. But now? Seems like it is gone forever. I wouldn't have gone that far if I don't cherish you. I wanted you to have fun together. And everything that is fun to share with you. But sometimes you rejected. But I still ask you to join us without giving up. You said you are giving in the most. But I gave in, you know? I don't think you do. Many things I didn't say. Cos I think it is small matters. I appreciated of those things you gave me because I like it. I didn't say I will throw them away or sell them away. I will keep them with me forever, yes it'll be even if I'm married. Many things can be solve but you wanna put them this way. All I read from your blog is like this is the ending. I can see that you really wanna end this. But I don't want. But, what can I do? I got no say. Everything lies on your hand now. I'm really sorry and I really hope we will be back to what we used to be. I know you won't change your mind. But I really hope for your return to be my best buddy one day. I apologise for everything you think I'm at fault. I will be waiting for your forgiven and waiting for you return even if it take years. I will still remember you for all it takes.
I know I'm not good at my tone of voice. Please Forgive me for all that. I tried and still trying.
I'm really sorry if I did anything wrong.
And read Deric's and Allan's blog.
I'm not the one who wanna end this friendship and of cos I don't wish to.
But there are too much misunderstand. I really hope we can solve everything out by talking face to face.
If you all think that talking to me won't work, then I think blogging them down will be the best.
Correct me if I'm wrong.
From Allan's blog.
When Deric won some money at jackpot, he shared the winnings with Wenkai and Eddie and even forked out 50plus dollars to buy those barbecue things and didn't even complain anything.
But when the moment he lost all his money and left only $10 in his wallet.
Who pitied him ? Wenkai did gave him $10.
My reply now: I don't have much money left either. As I have forked out alot for the bbq food.
Yes I did say he shouldn't play so much. But I'm just telling him to tell him so that he won't do it next time.
If you have a friend that you had known for more than 11years and a friend that you had known for less than 1 year. Who will you choose and trust ?
My reply now: I will choose to trust the 11 years of friend of cos.
But take a look this has got nothing to do with why we ended.
I didn't say I don't trust you. Please don't assume that I will trust the 1 year of friend.
I told you, there are too much of misunderstand.
Talking will do a better job.
Every humans in this life have feelings and limits.
My reply now: I agreed. So do I. I forgave, I gave in and I hide it just because I don't want to start any quarrel. I seriously cherish this friendship. But, we both were at fault. Just that how you see it. I don't carry the "Must win" attitude after the last chance you've given me. I did tried to stop to let you have time to cool down. Cos I know you will be ok after that. But you doesn't want to stop. You see? We both are at fault. Many times after the last chance you gave, I apologized to you. But I don't seems to get forgiven. All you did is digging things out from the last chance you gave me. Shouldn't everything be like starting all over? Why are you still digging the past to start over the quarrel again? That day on msn, I really felt like calling you to solve everything out on phone. It's the best way rather than face to face.
When Ahger asked them to barbeque 2 crab sticks and Darrick replied " NO, no space for crab sticks " and everyone got scolded by her. Hey, think carefully. Who was the one who said cannot and did everyone there said it?
My reply: I heard " No, cannot" only. And I didn't scold everyone, I swear.
The actual story of what I did- I was pissed and I walked away without doing anything. I sat down face still pissed off. And then my aunty that was sitting beside me asked me what happened? This is when I started saying about darrick. I said about him only.
ME : Help me make crab meats also cannot. Some more only 2 raw crab meats are left. Don't want then don't want help la!.
Aunty: Who? who so bad? (But she wasn't angry at all)
ME: Xiao Darrick la (Finger pointing at him as he was standing just infront of me)
Aunty: Xiao Darrick ah! Why you make my nephew angry?
Darrick: What?
Aunty: Why Ah ger ask you to make crabmeat for her you say cannot?
Me: Ya la ask him to help me also cannot! (angry tone)
Darrick: Joking de ma. And no space already also.
Nelson: Never mind ah ger I help you cook. Relax relax.
I didn't shout at everyone. Just that my voice is maybe too loud because I'm damn angry then.
When Darrick and Shuzheng were playing with you saying that they will go 1st without you and who did you scolded. You eventually push all the blame to Deric and he took it and didn't even scold you back and now how you treat him?
My reply: I really didn't know that deric wasn't playing along too. That was why I talk to him in an angry way. I know this was my fault and I have already apologized to Deric. I was wrong because I thought Deric was playing along too.
He waited downstairs everytime like a idiot and no one spared a thought for him
My reply: After many times you all told me about it, I didn't came down later already. This thing is like long ago. But I've change. But Deric will still come out with this thing again by saying he always wait for me very long. But I've change. Why are you all always digging things out? You don't know how I felt when being accused. Even the problems are solved and you still digging it is miserable. You know the feeling? When you change to be better but people are you saying you.
A person can change at anytime, ask me to follow you guys to catch a movie will die ma ?
My reply: Won't die if ask you to come along to catch a movie with us. You mean I didn't ask? I'm the one who is always asking. I did ask you. Many times. But in the end, you were either booked or you rejected. You should know yourself that I did ask. And I stopped saying you watch movie only with your girlfriend already.
From deric's blog.
i told myself. why should i shed tears? since you can be happy right now
My reply: I'm not as happy as you seen or heard. I can still joke and laugh about like everyday. But you don't know how I felt inside. I didn't show how I felt. I don't want friends to be worried. In the same time, I don't want to think about it. Everytime I think about it, I don't know what to do. I can't talk to you. I can't msg you. I can't call you. I can't meet you up and I can't get to see you. I really don't know what to do because you told me that that was the last chance. It's like the end of the friendship. I really don't wish for that. I really hope that this friendship will continue after I wake up. Hoping you will forgive me and message me. But that dosen't come true. I even pray to the god holding joysticks and say what I wished and hoped for. I really hope god is on my side and willing to forgive me. Everytime I think about you, like I always called you when I woke up or when you woke up I will recieve your calls. We used to meet up almost everyday. When I'm hungry, you will be the one to accompany me to eat. But now? Seems like it is gone forever. I wouldn't have gone that far if I don't cherish you. I wanted you to have fun together. And everything that is fun to share with you. But sometimes you rejected. But I still ask you to join us without giving up. You said you are giving in the most. But I gave in, you know? I don't think you do. Many things I didn't say. Cos I think it is small matters. I appreciated of those things you gave me because I like it. I didn't say I will throw them away or sell them away. I will keep them with me forever, yes it'll be even if I'm married. Many things can be solve but you wanna put them this way. All I read from your blog is like this is the ending. I can see that you really wanna end this. But I don't want. But, what can I do? I got no say. Everything lies on your hand now. I'm really sorry and I really hope we will be back to what we used to be. I know you won't change your mind. But I really hope for your return to be my best buddy one day. I apologise for everything you think I'm at fault. I will be waiting for your forgiven and waiting for you return even if it take years. I will still remember you for all it takes.
I know I'm not good at my tone of voice. Please Forgive me for all that. I tried and still trying.
I'm really sorry if I did anything wrong.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Nobody
I really feel like taking a knife and slash myself in my heart and die.
Nobody knows how I am feeling.
Never. Cause I never say. Don't always think that you are the only one that is stress.
I am stress but not showing to anyone.
Stress with something I shouldn't be stressing about.
Please don't push me any further.
Forget it.
Everything is my fault.
I'll take everything.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Movie, Trainning and Chalet.
Hello!
Sorry for not blogging.
Thursday. 19march.
Sorry for not blogging.
Thursday. 19march.
Caught Mall Cop at amk.
Nice:D
I can't really remember what we did anyway. LOL!
So you think you are sexy? Haha.
Don't straighten your leg. Bend abit:D
Daniel looked shagged. LOL!
90 degree
Ah boy's house with Nel, Bert, Deric, Val, Rachel and Eddie.
Nel, Bert, Rachel and Eddie is playing mahjong now.
I didn't play because I'm planning about the SK chalet thingy.
Food order. And please pay the money by Saturday.
Because I need to transfer the money on Sunday.
Thank you.And yes I got my braces on.Only the upper part only.
5 weeks later then braces for the lower part too. LOL!
Not that painful after all but I can't really eat things that are hard.
But I ate ice cream too. haha. Super cold and the metal contract. LOL!
Saturday!
Amk with them again. and caught many things.
I ate KFC mash potatoes(L) for the day.
Rachel ate curry pie from ''Pie Kia''
And this really look like shit. LOL!
Sorry very unglam.
Monday!
Chalet check in at 2.30pm.
Cabbed there.
Swim too. I'm so happy that I can finally swim:):):)
On our way to eat.
Kaiwen stop posing la. haha.
Ready to swim!!
Look at his pants. LOL!
bbq time. And I did sambal rice from satay rice.
Nice. Spicy I like:D
And thank yan yan my cousin for cutting hotdogs into smaller pieces:D
Now val to do the bbq-ing.
Guess this.
LOL! it is ah bee's long kan. LOL!
A guy by the way.
Play psp somemore. LOL!
Yan yan with Mario.
Cards games were fun.
Played true or dare and murderer. Fun la:D
Tuesday morning!
Work up after sleeping for 1 hour. And went to ubi with yan yan.
She went home and I went to take my FTT.
I passed:D And I'm super duper happy.
Cos when they are watching horror dvd, I'm busy studying with lights off.
But I took nelson's phone to light up my book only. LOL!
After the test, everything ended at 1pm. Bused down to my house with weizhen.
I alighted but she went back to tp.
After I alighted, I found out that my keys were left at chalet. So I can't go back home to bathe and all.
Cabbed down to chalet alone.
Most of them were sleeping.
Left with Rachel, Ah bee and ah boy.
Ah bee and Rachel was swimming.
So I went to change and swim with them.
Eddie and Nelson came to swim later.
After swimming, went to eat as usual.
And played cards and all.
Bbq for 2 days and the second day we got to eat more. LOL.
Went to mangrove swarm the at 3am after another horror movie and I'm super scared!!
Grabbed Shuzheng at the very beginning and he was like walking so fast.
So I went to grab darrick instead.
Darrick on my right an.d Li heng on my left. But liheng was worst than Shuzheng.
Ended up I grabbed Bert on my right.
Safe with 2 guys beside me:D
And I don't dare to look around. seriously.
And I don't dare to look around. seriously.
Finished the walk and we walk all the way back again.
Chalet and watch another horror movie.
Fall asleep for awhile.
After that we didn't sleep.
But Rachel sleep. LOL! She slept the most I can say. lol.
While we played cards and watch show the most.
I apologise if anything went wrong.
Will plan it better if we are planning for another chalet.
Hello!
Sorry for not blogging.
Thursday. 19march.
On our way to eat.
Yan yan with Mario.
Sorry for not blogging.
Thursday. 19march.
Caught Mall Cop at amk.
Nice:D
Nice:D
I can't really remember what we did anyway. LOL!
So you think you are sexy? Haha.
Don't straighten your leg. Bend abit:D
Daniel looked shagged. LOL!
90 degree
Ah boy's house with Nel, Bert, Deric, Val, Rachel and Eddie.
Nel, Bert, Rachel and Eddie is playing mahjong now.
I didn't play because I'm planning about the SK chalet thingy.
Food order. And please pay the money by Saturday.
Because I need to transfer the money on Sunday.
Thank you.And yes I got my braces on.Only the upper part only.
5 weeks later then braces for the lower part too. LOL!
Not that painful after all but I can't really eat things that are hard.
But I ate ice cream too. haha. Super cold and the metal contract. LOL!
Saturday!
Amk with them again. and caught many things.
I ate KFC mash potatoes(L) for the day.
Rachel ate curry pie from ''Pie Kia''
And this really look like shit. LOL!
And this really look like shit. LOL!
Sorry very unglam.
Monday!
Chalet check in at 2.30pm.
Cabbed there.
Swim too. I'm so happy that I can finally swim:):):)
On our way to eat.
Kaiwen stop posing la. haha.
Ready to swim!!
Look at his pants. LOL!
Look at his pants. LOL!
bbq time. And I did sambal rice from satay rice.
Nice. Spicy I like:D
And thank yan yan my cousin for cutting hotdogs into smaller pieces:D
Now val to do the bbq-ing.
Guess this.
LOL! it is ah bee's long kan. LOL!
LOL! it is ah bee's long kan. LOL!
A guy by the way.
Play psp somemore. LOL!
Cards games were fun.
Played true or dare and murderer. Fun la:D
Tuesday morning!
Work up after sleeping for 1 hour. And went to ubi with yan yan.
She went home and I went to take my FTT.
I passed:D And I'm super duper happy.
Cos when they are watching horror dvd, I'm busy studying with lights off.
But I took nelson's phone to light up my book only. LOL!
After the test, everything ended at 1pm. Bused down to my house with weizhen.
I alighted but she went back to tp.
After I alighted, I found out that my keys were left at chalet. So I can't go back home to bathe and all.
Cabbed down to chalet alone.
Most of them were sleeping.
Left with Rachel, Ah bee and ah boy.
Ah bee and Rachel was swimming.
So I went to change and swim with them.
Eddie and Nelson came to swim later.
After swimming, went to eat as usual.
And played cards and all.
Bbq for 2 days and the second day we got to eat more. LOL.
Went to mangrove swarm the at 3am after another horror movie and I'm super scared!!
Grabbed Shuzheng at the very beginning and he was like walking so fast.
So I went to grab darrick instead.
Darrick on my right an.d Li heng on my left. But liheng was worst than Shuzheng.
Ended up I grabbed Bert on my right.
Safe with 2 guys beside me:D
And I don't dare to look around. seriously.
And I don't dare to look around. seriously.
Finished the walk and we walk all the way back again.
Chalet and watch another horror movie.
Fall asleep for awhile.
After that we didn't sleep.
But Rachel sleep. LOL! She slept the most I can say. lol.
While we played cards and watch show the most.
I apologise if anything went wrong.
Will plan is better if we are planning for another chalet.
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