Fated

 Malaysia trip with family..

 Cruise Trip

I’m utterly disappointed about what happened lately. I never expect myself to be in this situation and unwillingly. I got to know a guy… ML. We were together for a short while before in our secondary school days but we were childish and we went our own ways ever since. We found each other again earlier this year. We texted and fell in love. I know it’s cheesy but I never expect to fall for the same guy again and he was actually pretty sweet since the beginning of our “friendship”.

We hanged out, I fetched him to and fro dragon boat, we laughed, we movie-d together and do things couple would do even though we were just friends. It felt so right and in place and we decided that it’s time both of us should get together. It’s mutual.

We had a beautiful start and I expect it to have a nice ending though I think the end is equal to when I die. Not few months later like now….. it died… and a terrible death.

My parents liked him and he stayed over my place very frequently. I went to his place too and his parents are sincere and nice towards me. I would think that this relationship is a good start with all these together.

1 month after our dating stage I found out something that broke every part of me INSIDE OUT. Everything destroyed in just 1 second. My tears started welling up my eyes every night ever since. I didn’t confront him but my face showed it all. I didn’t mutter a single thing and he insisted that there’s something wrong and asked repeatedly. Till he knows that the only thing he was wrong was that he two-timed me. And he asked if that was it… and yes it is. It hurts when he confirmed his relationship with another girl and with me in this triangle. At that instant I was angry, sad, confused and lastly DISAPPOINTED. I didn’t know how to react. I asked for his explanation… I know it’s ridiculous to expect an explanation and still forgive him but I really did love him…. As much as he made me feel that he love me too. THAT MUCH THAT I WAS SO READY TO LISTEN AND FORGIVE EVEN THOUGH I KNOW HOW OTHERS WILL LOOK AT MY RELATIONSHIP. HOW OTHERS WILL KNOW IM A THIRD PARTY. I STILL FORGIVE HIM. *he sings barney songs to me btw*

Then he explains… he never loved her never meet her for a very long time. They don’t meet frequently even when they are in a relationship and he really loves me. He said he love me as he lied more to the other girl than me. And the only thing he hid is the relationship he had with the other girl. WELL I WAS LIED TO AGAIN.

I tolerated knowing the fact that the other party is still around our relationship. Yes I was uptight, I was anxious, I was suspicious! But I can’t help it because I’m in this situation. Much more he assured that I’m the only one he love over and over again. It was so convincing I fell for it.

We went on a holiday together. Star Cruise to Phuket, Langkawi… and Malaysia with my family. It was so sweet like it was so real I was loved that much. Both of us in a cabin… hugging and talking about our future. It was so recent that I could still feel the heat of this whole shit. We had our future planned…. It was definitely going to happen. I know im naïve to think that far when it’s just a beginning of our relationship but no one can judge how I feel and how much I love a person when all I do is just blind and based on nothing but LOVE.

We would always drink Pokka Green Tea and have a lot of Kinder Buenos throughout our late nights. We watch movies and talk about everything under the sun. It was so cool and romantic! Simple at the same time.. the exact relationship I wanted and it was happening. Do you all know dream come true?

I had notes in my iphone with little sweet things that could motivate me to stay on to this relationship. Call me stupid again people. And the messages he wrote are still with me now as I type this.

It was real because he kissed me infront of his dad and we even wheeled him to the hospital. It was like I was there for him when he needed me. But the question was he when I needed him? NOWHERE. Ever since his dad got hospitalized he told he that he couldn’t meet for the time being unless he got the time as he need to do some family stuff. I agreed and do think that the stuffs that he need to do are important. So I waited patiently for him to be free just for me. It was days…. then weeks…. Whenever I got angry he would call me to assure me that everything is alright. Slowly phone calls stopped coming…. Texts got short…. Like it was fading. But I held on… then it was months… I was still waiting for him to meet me when he got the time… but it never came. Even when we ended… we used text. Which adds on to the insincerity.

He said he couldn’t break up with his other girlfriend because she is suicidal and afraid that she might do something stupid. All these while ML would remind me not to post anything lovey dovey on my blog and facebook. I had to keep things. Call me secretive.. I had to hide and wait for him to settle this with the other girlfriend. When he was with me he assured me by not touching is phone throughout the entire time he was with me. LIKE HE DON’T CARE ABOUT HER AND WHAT SHE SAYS. But after sometime he told me that she was suicidal again and he couldn’t break it off with her. Can you imagine he is with me the entire time from Friday evening till Sunday afternoon? It was so loving and he didn’t even touch his phone and that make me believed that everything he have for me is real that was why I gave in every single time.

I finally get over with this shit… I was so broken I had no one to talk to because I didn’t think it was anything glamorous to talk about. Now that it’s over… I want to tell the world that I have given up and no one should be asking me about this. It will just make me irritated and remind me that I was lied to.

I went through a lot and I can finally say it’s over. It may be a little funnier now because I no longer feel that hurt but I will never forget how my past few months was like. So torturing….

Now that he decided that it was only right that we break up after I mention it I think it is so true. Because I found out that he had been meeting her through other means. Thanks to social networking….. and final thanks to google. I found out that all these while he had been meeting her and he admitted to it after I asked.

I find this relationship is now meaningless and pointless. I can’t hold on anymore after everything above I have typed. I hope you know and feel that I loved you that deep ML. That I was willing to give up what others will think of me and even sacrifice my own well being to be with you. BUT YOU JUST RUIN IT. With your own bare hands.

I don’t deserve this just so you know ML. My last good bye to you. You might want to text me to get back all your things that are still at my place. They just remind me of all the shit memories you left behind. You are nothing but a jerk. Lesson learnt. I was stupid…. And I’m learning it the hard way.

Thanks for all the lies and patronizing texts… it just make me stronger. You killed me slowly and that makes it hurt even more. YOU COULD HAVE JUST TOLD ME THAT WE COULDN’T WORK OUT AND I WOULD FUCK OFF.

I CAN SAY NOW THAT I NO LONGER LOVE YOU AND NO HATE… NOTHING AT ALL. JUST PURE SWEET BLESSINGS FOR YOU AND THE OTHER GIRL. THE ABOVE POST IS JUST ABOUT THE WHOLE OF HEAD AND TAIL OF OUR RELATIONSHIP THAT I WANNA REMIND MYSELF OF BEING SO STUPID.

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